To payed her bak for her most evil trechery of leeving me heer wifout her I haz hached most awesome plan. I pretends to haf some depressy agin. To make absolutely pawsitive her knows how sad I iz I refyuz to do any fun stuffs. Mama knows I iz a faker, so I better comed up wif a better plan. To showed you how gud an aktor I am mom taked a moovie!
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Mom sez I haz a baybesitter wen her be gone. I iz not a baybe!! I iz Man of Dis House. Heer me WOMAN!? Da baybesitter wut is wif me dis tiym is new and mom is littul nervus. Der will be littul girl here who I kin played wif. Dis is most tiny hooman, mom sed her be free yeers old. Pffft. Wen I were free yeers I was howsbroken, knowed all my triks and walked on da leesh. Now who be smartur speeshes?
Mom hopes dat I iz gud dog and doesn't get frustrayted wif da littul girl. I iz always very very gud dog, but her say even gud dog haz limuts. Dem littul hoomans sometyme don't haz best manners! Littul hooman do not speeked da same langwage as me. Sometiym wen littul hooman iz try to be gud dey will hugged me or pik me up reel quick wifout tell me first. Dis can startul me cuz I do not see it coming. Or mebbe sometiym I just be tired and done wif day play time - mebbe I doesn't want more hugs.But if I telled her I iz done her mebbe not understand, cuz we speek different langwage. I do my talk wif my body, and da hooman do da talk wif da mouth. But mom sed even if da hooman don't knowed my langwage or has bad manners, da dog is always held to highest standurd. Dis meen I haz to be gud, even if I wanna be bad.
I kin tell uder dog no wif my mouth, by growly noise or by snippy (but for the rekord, I do haz no snippys at any dog or hooman- dogs respekt my authoritay and listen to my growly! Plus, I iz very much lover not a fiyter). But dis growly can make hooman scared, and snippy da hooman is never gud idea. Mom sed I kin still growly, becuz that be how I try to talk liyk hooman and say "Hey now, I really don't like whats going on here. Back off please, I am scared/nervous/pissed off." Dis is wen mom or 'nother big hooman shud step in and separayt me from littul hoomans for a while. However, not all mommies and daddies knowed my langwage, and her want me to sukseed at being bigger man in all sichewashun.
For wen mom iz gone we haz organiyzed wut mom call "Sayf Zone". Dis way wen da baybesitter (grrr...I'm not a baybe!!) see dat maybe I iz getting shakey like chew-wa-wa or growly like dobermin dat I kin go to sayf zone and eberybody is happy. I wuz ohhhh-fended! How dayr she maked me a time owt spot in my own hows?! Dis MY HOUSE!! But she explayn dat even da bestest dog in da hole hole world still need a sayf zone, she sed even Victoria Stillwell dogs (who are da smartest dogs in da whole whole world) haz sayf zone. Well den it be ok I guess. If mom say I am smart liyk dem dogs, I kin haz sayf zone. But....Kin I taked my blankee?
Here is my furst try at layed in da sayf zone (spare bedroom behind closed doors). My hooman cuzin sed wen you go to tiym out if you be reely reely bad dey maked you put your snout in da corner. I tried it out, it sucked!
|"Oh Buddy, you don't have to put your nose in the corner. It's not time out, it's a happy place I promise!"|