What's in a Lapdog?

So, is true! Da kan't-a-lope is da bestest nommie in da world and makes me smartr too! Mom is letting me eatted it insted of nommies wen we works on my new tricks, and it made my brain be bigger I tinks. Today I figyur out dat "Buddy, Forward" reely meens dat I don't has to sit anymores. So I standed up and walks to da voice dat I heer. Den I gets kan't-a-lopes. (Couple tries I bited at treet before mom gived it to me. She sed I is luckee dat I can't seed da treet so missed her fingers. I have strong suspishun she is rite!) Holy, cow dis is awesome! All I has to do is walked to mom to get dis grayt nommy treet? Why does it taked me so long to lerned dis?

Wutever you do, don't tell da big dawg. He still don't knowed dis new and amayzing treet-gitter trick. So he has to do uder stuff like "Touch It, Stand Up, Sit Down, blah blah". His nommy is much harder to getted. But to be fayr, he has two eyes - and I has none. Tho, mom sed is no exkuse. I still has to do all on my own like uder dawgs, darn dat independanse ting. Is sooo over-rayted!

Mom is skayred dat I is getting lil depressy. My wurld is kinda skary now and so I doesn't try to do dat much. I doesn't played wif her no more. Not even wen she putted me under da blankit so I cud preetend to be da bad blankit monster and attaks all da stuffs outsiyd da blanky, dat use to be my favoryt one. She even gived me freezed kong wif da peenut butter, nanas, and go-gurt. I eated da peenut butter, and leaved da rest so I cud go layed on my blue blankie. Wut self respekting dawg leeves nommies, 'speshully in da frozed kong? So, now she is workin' hard to finded stuff dat i luvs so dat I can not be depressy and napped all da tiym on da blu blanky.

Problem is, I just wanna be lap dawg. I read on innernet dat der is lotsa dawgs dat all dey does is be lap dawgs, and dey is even bigger den me. Mom has uder plans tho, she sed I is terrier. Terrier is not lap dawg, terrier is dawg dat is krazy dawg. Sumone needs to konvins her I is not terrier, mebbe I is yeorky? cheewawa?? Or pooodul?? Dem is lap dawgs rite? Mebbe I is doburmin like Maxim da big dawg? He is most lap dawg I ever did meet. I is gonna go now and find kostume dat makes mom tink I is a dawg dat is allowd to be lap dawg. Den mebbe she wud let me just lye arouwnd all da tiym.

Kisses & Snuggles-Buddy Dawg