Saturday, October 10, 2009

You probably don't want to read this.

I'm serious. This is Buddy's mom writing. He is eating (finally-which is now an every other day occurance) and I am hijacking his blog. So if you came for funny stories about how I finally figured out the reason he won't eat his kong is that I accidentally bought plain yogurt instead of vanilla, and it's sour and not appetizing-or the only reason I figured this out is that I finally tasted it....from the kong. Stop reading. Seriously. I need to vent and this is where I am doing it.
I am doing it here, because if I say any of this to anyone else I will get that knowing look. You know the one. The one that says "I knew you bit off more than you could chew." "It's just a dog, let it go." That look. I am doing it here, so that when I am done I can put on my brave face and tell the world I am conquering this mountain, and all that silver lining, rainbows, red roses crap. So, I warned you. Stop reading. Buddy will be back tomorrow -and I am sure he will make fun of me in some hilarious fashion, because as you all know he is much smarter than me. And while he indulges me, he also mocks. In his sweet 6lbs way.
I don't know what I am doing. I am freaking out. Freaking. out. Did I do the right thing? It took him forever to recover from his last surgery. He was timid and clingy and not at all the terror we knew. We had resigned ourselves to the fact that he might have become a lapdog, and that was fine. Then, this summer. Wow this summer. He was back!! With his zoomies, and stealing his brother's bones, and attacking the sheets. The crazy was back, and it was awesome. And the timing sucked. Because almost immediately, his last eye blew.
And I agonized over it. But I never doubted that he needed this surgery, and he would get this surgery, and he would be fine. Only he's not fine. Not even in the same county as fine. He is so depressed and I don't know what to do. I am his mom, I should fix it right? Only I can't. I try so hard, and my husband tries. My husband who indulges my love of dogs, but also thinks I might be a little crazy, tries. He actually has full blown conversations with the dog now. Crazy right? So not like him, but he tries for me, and for Buddy, and for him-because he loves him. And Maxim has given Buddy his toys, so he is trying too. God, it feels like we are all trying except Buddy. Only we can't make him try because lets face it, you can't make a terrier do anything.
So he lays around....all darn day. The dog that used to refuse to be in a room alone will lay on the couch for hours, even when you cook. Even when it's steak. C'mon steak?? Get off the couch for steak, man!
Last night he sneezed and it must have hurt like the dickens because I have NEVER heard him scream like that. Imagine stepping on a chihuahua, then magnify by 10 and make it last for hours (ok, it wasn't hours, a minute maybe. But for me, eternity.) And I can't fix it. I don't know what I am doing, and I don't think I am good enough for this poor sweet boy who only wants to give kisses and smell flowers. Only now he doesn't even give kisses. Not even if you stick your face right in front of his nose. Not even if you JUST ate peanut butter.
I am not a dog trainer. I am not a dog whisperer. I am not even a graduate of obedience classes. I am just a dog lover trying to do the best thing for my boys. Only I cannot figure out the best thing. I am soooo scared that I am putting him through hell, and he doesn't understand why. And he hates me for it. The vets, the specialists, the internet all said dogs recover quickly. They don't need sight, they adjust fast. People sometimes don't even know their dog is blind. Liars. Big fat dirty liars. My dog knows....and he is pissed!
Basically that's it. I feel like a failure, I feel like Buddy gave up. Only he can't give up. Because I said so.
Anyway, if you read this sorry. But I warned you.


  1. Awww. Its just taking some time, more than you thought. Last time he could still see. Give him time. Tell him his paw it forward gift should arrive this week, maybe that will cheer hime up! Is the vet sure there is not any underlying problems causing pain. THe only time I see my dogs totally not themselves is when they r in pain.

  2. I'm so sorry. You did the right thing for Buddy. Don't doubt yourself. Vent away. We are here for you.

  3. Ohh nonononono don't you give up on Buddy. Don't you dare. We are here in Michigan, usa. AND are Buddy fanS!!!

  4. I'm sure he'll be the dog you knew, it will just take time. I can guarantee that he doesn't hate you.

  5. I know it seems like a long time, but it has not been that long after his surgery. It is a big adjustment (the surgery, the pain meds, the side effects of the meds, etc) and he is processing it but it does take time. His body has to heal and his mind needs to heal and adapt. It just takes time. It sucks and it is insanely hard to watch them go through it but he has NOT given up. He doesn't hate you either, he is just trying to adapt to the monumental change in his life.
    I just had a thought-have you tried Rescue Remedy with him? I wonder if that would help.

  6. Please don't feel down on yourself. I've never commented here before, but I read your blog everyday. The love you have for Buddy (and he for you) shines through with every post and I have no doubt that you are doing the right thing. He is going through a huge change and it'll take some time, but he will adjust eventually. I love the videos of Buddy learning his new tricks and conquering the stair monster - he is definitely making progress. Know that you have a bunch of us pulling for you (and your whole pack) here in blogland. Vent away, we're always listening. Big hugs and tons of good thoughts your way.

  7. No no no! You're not allowed to give up! Nope! Let us know if you can think of anyway we can help and we'll do it! I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and if I could take it away I would!

    -Boots' mom

    PS I'm serious about that if you need something, if we need to send Buddy yummy cantalope we will.

  8. Oh dear, So sorry to hear all of your frustrations and wish I could offer some advice. I have no experience in this but really think that you can get him through this and if venting on your blog helps you find the patience to do that then vent away! I think he just needs more time. If you tasted yogurt out of his Kong then you are obviously fully equipped to give him the love and attention he needs. I think it can be hard to keep it up when you are not getting it back but I really have faith he will come around! In terms of food that might peak his interest, have you tried liver? My boy will do cartwheels for a milkbone so I was not prepared for the whacked out crazed excitement I got when I cooked liver for him the first time! Since it is so rich you have to limit it to small (very small for your lil guy) pieces but suspect it could peak his interest! I am not thinking it will get him back to normal but it might make you feel better to even get a short lived glimpse of his old self. I imagine you have tried extra tasty treats so maybe i am wrong but I really have never seen anything like the reaction I got from cooked liver!
    Anyway, hang in there 8-(
    Dana + Moose

  9. I think you are being way too hard on yourself and expecting too much from your pooch. Just like with humans, some of us progress more quickly than the others. And, he may not be a whizzing around dog anymore but he will adjust and he will find happiness - give it time. If you believe he is depressed, have you tried Rescue Remedy? Put a little on a bandanna and put it around his neck. That may help. Also, talk to your vet about an anti-depressant. They are proving to be very beneficial for dogs, just as well as they do for humans, too.

    He needs to feel safe in what he does and that will come. I had a blind dog that I adopted as an adult and it took a while but once he got his bearings he was wonderful. Some of us zoom into the unknown and some of us take baby steps - your little man has decided to take baby steps.

  10. Dont be so hard on yourself! Buddy needs time to adjust. Dogs can live without seeing, but this is a first for him - not to mention the paid meds are probably making him groggy. Give him time, you will both be fine. :)


  11. It's tough being a mom and seeing your pups go through troubles or be in pain. You are doing right by Buddy and we all have your back he'll be back someday and be just fine! We are here for you!